Cambodia, Phnom penh, thursday 15 december 00:34
I don’t know what to do, i feel so tired, i haven’t done anything this whole day. except watch a movie about a uni professor that loses his long time lover and their dog in a car accident. the film proceeds to depict his life after this terrible event
The film was an interesting outlook of the meaning of life and what makes it worthwhile.
I believe moments when two people connect with each other truly, rarely happens. We are born alone and we die alone and in between we are mostly alone completely sealed within our bodies. it almost makes me go crazy. I once experienced something like that kind of connection i think. but i didnt realize it at the time and eventually i fucked it up. it was probably the best six months of my life, and now i dont know if anything similar will ever happen again. what a shame that would be.
We are all so scared of so different things that we limit our selves and our thinking to our own perception of reality. Who knows what you are like really? Experience makes us smarter and better we think, but it just makes us sillier. Ever so often awful experiences makes us so numb that we dare not go down the same road again. we think we are free by our selfs but all we are doing is locking our selves inside an invisible prison. we participate elsewhere to escape. I start thinking that im a fool for being in asia alone, but then again im not sure i should be anywhere else should I?. I don’t know! I could have been dead right now and it woulnt have made a difference what so ever. but im not dead
I desperately need to connect with somebody, before the end. thats what i have to look forward to. I wont fuck it up again!!!