Cambodia, Phnom penh, thursday 15 december 00:34
I don’t know what to do, i feel so tired, i haven’t done anything this whole day. except watch a movie about a uni professor that loses his long time lover and their dog in a car accident. the film proceeds to depict his life after this terrible event
The film was an interesting outlook of the meaning of life and what makes it worthwhile.
I believe moments when two people connect with each other truly, rarely happens. We are born alone and we die alone and in between we are mostly alone completely sealed within our bodies. it almost makes me go crazy. I once experienced something like that kind of connection i think. but i didnt realize it at the time and eventually i fucked it up. it was probably the best six months of my life, and now i dont know if anything similar will ever happen again. what a shame that would be.
We are all so scared of so different things that we limit our selves and our thinking to our own perception of reality. Who knows what you are like really? Experience makes us smarter and better we think, but it just makes us sillier. Ever so often awful experiences makes us so numb that we dare not go down the same road again. we think we are free by our selfs but all we are doing is locking our selves inside an invisible prison. we participate elsewhere to escape. I start thinking that im a fool for being in asia alone, but then again im not sure i should be anywhere else should I?. I don’t know! I could have been dead right now and it woulnt have made a difference what so ever. but im not dead
I desperately need to connect with somebody, before the end. thats what i have to look forward to. I wont fuck it up again!!!
Masoud Goes East 
December 15, 2010 at 7:06 pm |
Oh what a nice trip. new people. new thoughts. new Masoud.
So what if we human beings could control our lifes? You know already we do. What if we could control our thoughts? We do right?. I believe you wouldnt experience those thoughts you have right now if you werent where you are. Asia. But where else could you have been? You probably would had the same thoughts anywhere else dont you think? I belive if a matter of time and not a matter of place.
So what if you fuck it up again? What if SHE fuck it up next time?
The good thing is that you are not alone. I am sure there are many following your trip throw this blog.
Enjoy your trip hermano. And tranquilo…love will come soon.
Kram
Roman.
December 15, 2010 at 10:48 pm |
Connections come and cennections go. it happens to everybody. you may fuck it up, as you say or the other part of the connection may fuck it up. all the people are alone and desperately in need to connect with somebody. almost all of them sooner or later find their beloved connection. the one they dream about. before there was only one twin soul for everybody. but now the world has become biger or you have access to a very large area to find another twin soul. Connect with others. you shall find a connection. but even if you don’t you have not missed anything. life is searching, finding, losing, searching and finding.
to you with love!
esmail
December 17, 2010 at 10:17 am |
as usual, your words affects me and go straight in to my heart and mind.
fucking up things is part of the entire experience, but it’s also like Mr Essi says; the world is bigger so you have more twin soul mates to bond with 🙂
just imagine the feeling you will have when you’ll meet them and whenever or if ever it’ll get fucked up then cheer up and think of the next one that’s on your path…
Enjoy every moment, every experience, every person and always remember that the love that I have for you and the love that all your close friends and family have for you, is pure and true and that connection and bond will always be in your life no matter if you live alone or die alone, our spirits and energy will surround you because you’re an amazing person that deserve greatness!!